我累了

心情这东西很妙
有时心情过了就算了
有时会让你哭
有时
会突然会让你想写下来

我们彼此 不用说
但是有些事 不说真的永远也不会知道

我不想再猜下去了
我不想再那么犹豫了
我对自己说 再也不要自讨没趣

我，一直都在
你感受到吗？
你，我需要你时
总是不在 

理由，总是你的理由
为了想理由，花了很多心思吧？
我明白了

失望
我感受到了
无数次的失望
你永远也不会知道
没关系

我再也不会自讨没趣了
我对你来说 只是个不重要的人


我累了
我真的累了

我的笑声

发现自己原来还是会笑的

开心地笑

尽情地笑

在你们面前

不需要去顾虑任何事

不需要去顾虑任何话

原来把自己隐藏起来

是件很辛苦的事

不喜欢戴着假面具做人

所以

不会用面具去对待人

却只学会板着脸孔

不去讨好

不去假装

把自己隐藏

让自己没有存在感

至少可以逃离

无谓的宫心计

参杂利益的人际关系

至少可以逃避

那让人窒息的空间

安静了

有时候发现

还是沉默

比较好

说的越多

错得越多

做得越多

就越让人觉得碍眼

对不起

我还是那么的在意别人的眼光

告诉过自己

不要去在意

做自己吧~

却发现

我说的话

好像都是说错话

我做的事

好像也是错的

只会惹来批评

最后

只好

安静了.........

~ 奔驰 in UPM ~

A week before,

i saw a flyer on my kolej board and is about olahraga.

suddenly got feel wan to RUN~

track running is always my favourite sports !

becoz tats the only sports i know how to play la~

i suck in ball game =p

really many years didnt run le,

since form 5 bah~

3 year++

wondering my muscle is replaced by my fats ady

hahah >___<

after thinking for many day,

i finally made my mind

so i sms the person incharge on Thursday morning,

i said im interested in 100m & 4x100m relay~

[ now i feel that i had made a RIGHT decision!!! yeah!!! XD ]

so the person call me to gather on saturday 7.30am ,

which is TODAY~~~

when i reach the place,

i found out there were just a few of us

so i just wait there for others to come...

then they suddenly said wan go le,

im wondering go where...not run in our kolej meh?

then they say is go PUSAT SUKAN

when reach there,

i found out ALL other kolej ppl is there aso 0.0

WALAO~ i really stunt dao le~

i thought is run wif my own kolej de ppl leh...

i just come to take part yi xia

mana tau is a such BIG event lai de =___=

Ohhhh Noooooo~~~

yuan lai im representing my kolej to take part

in the competition between all kolej kolej in UPM =.=

[ they never even do ]

i wonder why they let me take part

they never see me before de nor know how i run

summore never do selection de

really scare i will make them dissapointed on me

=((((

macam 误打误撞 lo~~~

so my first event is saringan for 100m

really gan jiong arrrr~

my muscle long time never use neh~

but aso 硬着头皮，

上吧！！！

i run wif bare foot,

coz the spike geh size not ngam~

when my foot step on the track

suddenly 感动了一下 >.<

it had been three years i never step on it le~~~

i miss the run feeling~~~ <3

really shock when i get 1st place in the saringan

and go for the semi final

Unbelievable!!!

im still able to sprint !!!

Go for semi final,

And unbelievable AGAIN~

i get in to the FINAL ! omg~~~

i cant believe my own leg arr~

i tot i will be 包尾 de leh,

coz university so big...

sure got many 高手...

Then is the 4x100m relay,

im the 3rd runner...=)

but dont really get use to the track coz i usually run 4th runner de ><

hehe....

today i get to feel the baton again~

and the very nervous feeling during relay~

coz relay is groupwork , not individuals

must be depends n trust in ur group runner

we get 1st in the semi final XD

tats mean i will need to come for two finals in the evening

so i back to my room during break

when back to the room

i called someone~~~

really cant wait & excited to tell that someone about today

hehehe >_<

miss the someone voice

and can hear that not so stress like few days ago le

maybe exam over dy?

=)

in the evening,

back to the stadium

run for 100m final

but i only get the 4th place

coz in finals,

one is Malaysia representative and one is State representative

=.=

if i can win jiu really miracle lo~~~ HAHAA~ XD

but in the 4x100m final,

WE DID IT !

we get 1st place neh~~~

weeeeeeee~~~

^_^

I never regret that i join this

although no friends accompany me

but i still insist to join it myself

i feel happy for myself (coz last time i owex follow friends or relay on friends de, but this time i had made my own decision without depend on friend whether to join together anot)

love today so much

love the feeling of sprinting on the track

but i get dark le~

SUNBURN arr~ now my face red red le

very obvious tim~

and tomorrow is our course night

how am i going wif my dark face and dark hand larh =((((

can i get whitening in one night time? ^^

dreaming la me~

so see me in sunburn & dark skin tone tmr in my dress

=)

~First week in UPM~

Finally got time to blog le~

as i didnt get to online for the first week before~

so now updated xia to my dear & darling & frz~

1st week:

Just TWO DAYS before i daftar diri,

i just get to know that i had been accepted to UPM

really shock dao lo~

but that aso means that i just got only 2 DAYS to settle all my stuff, luggage, letter, bank account, ptptn, bsn pin number n etc.....

rush dao~~~

on monday (19/9), once i checked in,

my life is changed~~~

and my UNI life started~~~

on the first week,time was really packed,

whole day justbusy-ing wif the daftar kursus thingy

register myself for this n that~

but luckily got a coursemate always help me =D

she get contacted wif me before i daftar for the second intake

n always help me n others who is aso second intake de

she is Yee Shin~

all of us aso call her "Manager"

she really got the manager style lo & very passionate !

on the first week, not really know my coursemate yet,

as we live in the different kolej,

feel like we are seperated nia =(

but we second intake de many in kolej 6.

n those first intake de in kolej 5 for our course.

Hope can get to know them more for the coming week =)

weeeeeeeeeeeeee~

Back to my kolej~

which is the place is live~

look like it is the most far block from the kolej centre,

but huile said my block very near to her block nia ~

hehe...next time can go visit visit =D

And introduce my ROOMMATE~

when i reach my room,

she n her family was cleaning the room ady~

they aso cleaned my side de table n bed aso,

really thanks neh~

her name is Ai Lee~

a very pretty and 斯文 girl neh~

den horr, she aso got a sister in upm.

yuan lai they is Twins~

she is the elder sister...

her sister sure very pretty aso

so ngam neh, both sister aso get UPM together~

About the first few night in upm,

i really cant sleep

maybe is bu xi guan bah~ o.O

when i lye down, although very very tired,

but aso cant fall asleep

den morning jiu wake up at 6am~

like no sleep dao nia

this continue for many days

and make my PANDA EYE deep dao..........

but when i wan to sleep, cannot get to sleep aso,

n aso very easy to be waken up =.=

and aso need to turn off the light when sleep,

very scare yi xia de lo~

keep staring at the light outside de room nia >_<

the water here very damn cold arrr~

i feel like im having [braveness test] every morning when im going to bath =.=

cold dao.................

i wan freeze jorr laa~

i miss my home hot water

i miss my home comfortable bed

i miss my grandma cooking

i miss many many thing......

although i miss it,

but i aso have to accept the reality~

i need stay here for 4 years~

SO,

use to it ,

adapt to it ,

n LOVE it~~~

让我诉一诉苦

最近过得很不开心

很多事都不顺利，感觉一切都很不顺心

有点不想继续目前的工作了

虽然工作内容简单，

但，事过变迁，人事物都不一样了，

想离开

也因为目前的工作

和一些自己的原因

令到家人有点不高兴

每天中骂真的很不好受

但都只能默默承受

我很恨很讨厌和家人有争吵

所以只好静静的......

前几天

我推了几个约

很抱歉

我的dear和darling们都约好了

唯独我去不到

错过了见你们的机会

好想念你们 <3

我的经理那天放工后过来找我

但我却因为事先答应了别人

所以没得一起去宵夜了

家人也是

那晚的家庭晚餐

我没参与 =（

至于我的学业

原本想进的UTAR

现在想都别想了.......

只好乖乖的等政府大学吧......

真的好想选择自己想要走的路

但

家庭的压力，

钱财上的压力，

我只好接受家庭的选择......

我后悔当初考那么好？

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

在我心中

有对你愧疚的感觉

有时候我不敢也不知怎么面对你

因为我好怕好怕 会伤害到你

你对我的好，你对我的付出，

我都知道......

但我不敢表现出来，只好表现地冷漠...

但跟你在一起的开心，笑容，却是真实的...

我隐藏不了......

未来，我们都不知道....

在我心中那不一样的你，

我们开心的，好好的过这些日子吧 =）

对你来说，我并不完美

我

并不是你心目中的完美女生

在你眼中

我总是不够好

没才艺，没身材，

成绩又不好

脑子差

你觉得我

小气，容易发脾气，

不顾你感受

是的，

我就是这样

每当听到 “Just The Way U Are”

这是一首甜蜜的歌

但我知道你永远都不会把这首歌送给我

因为在你眼中

我一点都不完美

每当你挑剔我

我就会想起那个影子

如果我是那影子

你就不会挑剔了

你只会赞美

我心里清楚知道

你要的女朋友

就是她

我

什么都不是

在你心中

我什么都不是

一个没有地位的人

不是我没自信

而是

我真的没有她好

她天生丽质，才艺出众，脑子好

不管我怎样，

也不会像她那样

我不想再活在别人的影子里了

我的喜欢 你不需要

我的关心 你不需要

我的支持 你不需要

我的爱 你也不需要

我对你一点用处没有

每当你有事

我都不知道

我每次都在怪自己

是我自己没用

没去关心你，安慰你

到最后我发现

是你不需要我的关心和安慰

你有事，你不会找我

你有事，你不会告诉我

你有事，你更不会亲口告诉我

每一次，我都需要从别人口中知道你的事情

关心你

只会换来一句“你不要烦我！”

你知不知道你说的那句话

真的把我伤透了！！！

我听了以后，

脑子一片空白，我不懂该说什么了

原来我对你来说是那么那么的烦

到现在，

我的脑里都还清楚记得你说那句话的语气

一直在重播

一想起，很痛苦，很心痛，

一想起，就哭了

全因为那句话是从你口中说出的

我伤心，痛苦，我哭

对你来说，没什么吧？

我就算怎么样，你也不会心疼吧？

因为你心里从没在乎我吧？

你从不想在乎我

你，没爱过我吧？

我说对了吗？

每次闹僵了或吵架

都是我主动找回你，跟你道歉

因为

我讨厌冷战，我讨厌争吵

不想要双方都不开心的过日子

我很容易心软

也讨厌等待对方到底会不会找你

但我知道

我不需要对你抱有希望

因为你是不会的

你从来没有一次是你主动找回我的

有时我在想，

你是男生吗？

怎么那么懦弱？

一定要人家主动找你？

我对你的付出

你从不珍惜

也不在乎

你只活在你自己的世界

有困难时

只会逃避

把自己隐藏

我对你来说只是个烦恼的东西

你的世界根本容不下我

两个人在一起

不是那样的

有快乐一起分享

有难，更应该一起分享

并不是我不能跟你一起面对困难

而是你，不让我和你一起面对

每次都被你推得远远的，

无法靠近

当我想了解你，

也被推的远远的，无法靠近

我尝试靠近，结果还是一样

我只能一个人不断的在猜测你的困难

猜测你的心情

猜测你到底怎么了

你却叫我不要担心你，关心你

如果你是陌生人

如果你对我什么也不是

我会做到

可惜你不是

在一起

关心对方

想知道对方

想了解对方

是错的吗？

如果你认为那是多余的，

不需要的

爱，就不存在了

你的心里，

从来没有我的存在